Tuesday, 31 January 2012

In which I realise I am miserable

I paid my train fare which has gone up again and have dutifully sat in a barren lecture hall listening to a nice middle-aged drone on about renaissance architecture. It feels incredibly like I am wasting my time continually. I have just moved into a great flat with a fantastic companion but between a pointless job in which my boss calls me a cunt when angry about staffing issues and a flaccid degree which seems to be shrinking my mind to fit with academically acceptable norms as opposed to broadening my appreciation and understanding of ...anything; it feels largely like I am existing just to breath and function.
I want more than this. I miss my liberty. People constantly talk about the freedom of University but I don't get it. University is a privilege but it is a fucking huge tie to one place for a minimum of 3 years. Even if you transfer you are just tied to another place. Also just like a job, if you cease turning up they kick you out. This is fair enough of course but don't tell me uni is a place of freedom. There is just as much red tape here as there is in any other institution. This is the issue with not having a decent or constant circle of university friends. If I had that it would probably feel less like a milestone of obligation.
I tried to make friends with 3 people today. They were welcoming and we laughed about the crap tea from the machine. I sat with them during a seminar and took fewer notes than normal because we were muttering amongst ourselves. Then somehow the subject got round to politics and race. Two of them believe that black people of African descent deserve to be paid 50% more than white people because they have suffered in the past. I asked if Jewish or Asian people should be given the same boost. They got angry and said I didn't understand. The other man has to spit every time he hears the word 'Tory'. Not pretend spit, actual spit.
My 3 new friends are now 3 new acquaintances.